I'm sad today

No baby this time.

It would have been rare for Angela to get pregnant on the first IUI attempt because the odds are heavily stacked against it, but we had our hopes up nonetheless. And it hurts to have them dashed. But we learned a lot about the process, and that will help us the next time.

So here I sit with anxiety and fear. What if it never happens? What if we go broke and still have no kiddos? What if, what if, what if?

If someone else started a sentence with "what if" I would immediately giggle and tell them how ridiculous they are for living in the "what ifs" and giving power to that phrase. But it's me who's saying it, and "what if" seems awfully valid right now. Fear is a powerful thing.

Angela worked on a Bible study last night for the 20something group at church that she co-leads, and the title of it was "One Blessing After Another." I just read over it and it talked about how God spends a lot of time preparing blessings, and goes to great lengths to make certain that everything happens at the proper time. The preparation of the blessing always takes a lot longer than the presentation, so it's pointless to question the timing. Once God decides it's time, the carefully placed dominoes begin to fall.

So we will continue to prepare.